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1st Entry: Day One

To anyone who can help,

If I could only convince myself I was just crazy

I would feel much more sane.

Am I paranoid or is someone stalking me while I sleep?

I swear I can hear the spiders walking across the attic floor

and conversing to each other.

Is it possible?

I know they are talking about me, they know. ....

I'm so hungry,

But for what I don't know, food has lost all it's taste,

Even pizza is disgusting puss.

Do you know what it's like when Bad Mojo has taken over your mind?

I'm so hungry.

All I want to do is sleep

but then I just lie there all night staring at the cracks in the ceiling.

The cracks open up and threaten to swallow me

just like they've done to everyone else.

I can see them outside but they aren't the same.

I no longer feel akin to them.

There is something different about the way they smell to me.

Can any one help or explain

2nd Entry: 4th Day

Will no one answer me?

I am surely mad.

Why has everyone been swallowed into the earth

while I have been left alone in this vast desert?

I can not move from the darkened rooms of my house.

This has become my tomb.

I have put all of my dresses on,

only to rip and tear them from me.

They look much better covering the windows

than they do hanging on my disgusting skeletal frame.

I can feel all the fluids in my body drying up under the heat of the sunlight.

I haven't eaten in days. I'm so hungry, but the thought of food makes me nauseous. My saliva is gone.

My mouth is dry.

I feel a strong passion overwhelming me

and I know that no touch will quench my thirst for lust.

I can barely feel my skin with my fingertips.

Am I waiting for something or someone?

The spiders are keeping secrets from me,

but I hear them whispering when they think I'm sleeping.

They know it's unnatural and realize part of me is dying or already dead.

I'm losing all hope.

I have nailed my windows shut and taped my eyelids open.

I dare not sleep or close my eyes for fear I will lose myself altogether.

Something is beckoning me, ...

asking me to take his hand and join him (it).

I see his red eyes burning in my sleepless nightmares ...

I can still taste his blood on my lips.

The spiders are silently watching me ...

They are preparing a giant web to trap me

and keep me from walking out into the night.

I almost want to let them slip their silken creation down to shroud my head.

Suffocation seems sweet.

Hot time slips underneath my feet,

all emotions are gone.

Echoes refuse to answer.

Sometimes I feel like I'm dying at dawn ....

sometimes I'm hot as fire ... .

I've turned the brightness on my monitor down all the way .....

It still makes my eyes burn .... what in the hell is going on?

Is it me or does some one else believe this ....

Leave me alone. Don't abandon me ...

the spiders hear your laughter ....

they hear you howling at the moon ...... they don't like you.

They want to protect me from you, but I know it is too late.

I want you to come.

Come back and hold me down. Tell me I'm not crazy.

Show me the way into your world.

I am beyond help. I give up.

I will succumb to this insanity that has fallen upon me,

be it fact or fiction.

I submit.

5th Entry: 19th Day

The wind refuses to blow,

but I see its effects in the trees at night.

I can feel it rushing through my hair when all the windows are closed.

But I know it's not there ....

or maybe I'm not there ........that's what the spiders think ...

shut up ,..

I know you do and I'll tell you something else,

I don't care what you say ........

. .. I won't kill myself.