|~A brief reflection~|
Sub ~A brief reflection~
Dec 21 1998
A small infinity passes as I blankly stare at the screen.
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The words on the screen lose their meaning as a rushing blur of possibilities drown and overwhelm my reason. With a violent rush I push away from my desk and spin my chair away from the daunting muse on my monitor, my chair rolling to a stop in the middle of the empty floor. I tear at my clothes, "What is happening to me?" I clinch my fists (if only to stop my hands from shaking uncontrollably) and push the heals of my hands into my eye sockets nearing the point of permanate damage and push my head back. " I am falling in love with someone I have never seen, met, or had a live chat with, let alone an oral conversation. I am losing my mind." Then her words come to me. "Just Try Me", with a wink. In reference to me cutting a rose from her delicate lips with the throw of a knife. Sight unseen. Oh Azling you weaken me to the point of the extinguishment of the self. But strangely you also feed to me strength and passion that make me more aware of myself beyond description. I start to my feet, (hang on Lenore) My body shudders and I violently shake off the residue of trepidation and let your words feed my resolve. Though I am capable of performing the act in my sleep, my hand starts to quiver at the thought of throwing a knife so close to you. Mind you, I normally am quite confident in my physical skills, with good reason.
"No, this is unacceptable."
I can feel my eyes piercing as I grab up my knives and look towards the target and invision your very own heart beating in the center. Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud .. 5 perfectly placed knives stuck into an old stump, forming a circle around a little Azling action figure I fashioned for just such occasions. (now she is complete with her little friend Arch at her feet) "Nice grouping" hisses from between clinched teeth as I leap back to the computer screen and click away with gusto. As I wait to receive an image of my fate I can hear myself mutter "What is happening?"
It is haunting, our shared love for vermin. (among other things) Truly amazing. As you started to convey this to me I turned to Lenore and said, "See babe, I'm working on it." And I read on and hear you speak this same thought to your beloved rodent. Truly, truly amazing, but just one of many we could site.
It is set in stone then,
We have never laid eyes on one another. It was not I you saw in the ~ Opera of the Masks ~, This affection we share is wholly fresh. .. But .This does not, I agree, matter one wit, even better I say. You, too, are my fascination; No words .... there are times this affection we are in the midst of, LITERALLY takes my breath away. (not a favorable condition for a fire breather) At the risk of just repeating every word you write, I am not accustomed to loss of words. Beyond all the platitudes and eloquence, of which some I am sure would laugh, and at the risk of sounding pretentious and deranged, I tell you now I can not think of one word that I have conveyed to you that I did not write to you with soul filled passion.
I require no further image of you my sweet. I thank the fates for the relatively poor quality of the print, any better and it would have pierced too deeply into my chest. But thank you for the leap, I can speak volumes on the image. It makes me wonder which of the many pix of me your muse ponders on. The next time I wish for my stare to fall upon you is fully animated, in the flesh. Sorry for the brevity, I am sure you understand. I am currently working on the "Heads" for the first Magnum Opus of our literary intercourse. It may not be my next installment, but I promise it to you from 24 to 48 hours.
An Earnest Loss for Words